It is ironic that my blog is called “Lost Passion,” because today I have felt like my passion has been sucked away. I wanted to write an inspiring and popular blog post. I wanted to think of a great lesson that wowed everyone. I sat staring at my laptop and nothing, I mean NOTHING was coming to me. My frustration and self-doubt grew. Why is everyone better at blogging than me? How come they always seem to create an inspiring and relatable message?
I was thinking upon my past few days of attempting to grasp onto any topic, any lesson that caught my attention. Still nothing.
I usually blog about about having faith and God pulling me through the darkest of times. Why wasn’t he pulling through now? Why isn’t he revealing to me some big “wow” moment that will make everyone say, “Oh my, she is right”.
Well, I’m racking my brain and here are some of the things I recalled about my past week:
I was pretty dang short and sassy with some people, then dismissed it as being tired.
Also, I was stuck in sin — seriously stuck in sin, and I freely chose it. Every time before acting on the temptation to sin, there was a moment of grace where I so clearly heard God whisper in my heart “You don’t have to do this.” But this time, I wanted instant gratification. I wanted immediately relief from the stresses of the day. I wanted anything the world could offer me that made me feel temporarily better. This just led me to feel even worse about myself in the end, which lead to more shortness and sass. This kind of cycle that can be so hard to break.
It was like all the past struggles and addictions came flooding back into my life, and Satan was like look at this candy bar it will satisfy your craving temporarily while Jesus was standing behind him with a five course meal. But I chose the thing in closest reach and here I am sitting here wondering why I can’t clearly hear Jesus’ voice. I’m wondering why he isn’t giving me some beautiful inspiring post to wrote.
Well my guess would be it is because I didn’t live a very inspiring week for God. You can’t really give what you don’t have. Maybe it is because I spent my entire week pushing God away and choosing the world. So how can I write about the glory of God fully alive in my week if I chose to push that away all week?
So maybe that’s the tough lesson I needed to learn this week. I needed to be reminded that I am nothing without letting the Lord walk by my side. I am lost when I am alone without his light to guide me. He is the rock that is so much higher than I, but I spent the week choosing to walk away from that rock; choosing to gossip, to tear people down, and to disrespect my body. My passion is lost because I chose to give it away to the world.
But that’s okay because simply put: his mercies are new every morning. He is the rock higher than I.